The Reviews that Made DOROBO a Quarter-finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards are in!
And They're FABULOUS and HELPFUL!!
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The strongest aspect of this story is the basic human’s will to survive. Though this is a dystopian setting of a frozen Earth without sun there are still people who live a procedural existence of procuring oxygen. There appears to be clannish or gang groups that oppose and do not understand each other. The central characters have been accused of stealing a shipment or acquisition of Oxy but the blame seems to be triggered by group hatred rather than hard evidence. The individuals who survived the freezing waves give the impression of being those that could run fast thus giving the new civilization the evolutionary badge of “Survival of the fastest not Survival of the best”. The whole setting promises an innovative and thought-provoking look into a possible future for mankind.
What aspect needs the most work?
I could not find any conspicuous shortfalls in this excerpt. Although I find the Young Adult genre full of excellent writing and original selections these days I personally would like this manuscript directed towards the more mainstream Science Fiction fan base. I’m reminded of Fritz Leiber’s classic masterpiece “A Pail of Air” that can be found in a 1951 issue of Galaxy Magazine. I think it was also presented in an X-Minus One Radio drama segment. The setting of a frozen earth with the survivors going to heroic measures to collect oxygen is a frightening prospect for those of us who don’t give a second thought to breathing.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I liked this selection very much. The alternating voices of Nitra and Thane gave the reader two perspectives of the same topic or concern. I liked the idea of the demise of life on Earth, as we know it, resulting from the sun burning out and not necessarily man’s pollution. In this scenario humankind would be doomed with or without the hand of man mucking up the environment. Yes, the atmosphere is said to be poisonous (and hallucinogenic) but that is not the chief cause of doom. I would read this book if published and would certainly try to promote it in my social media sphere.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The narrative portion of the excerpt was quite strong with good descriptive language. It was clear what was going on in the opening paragraphs when the narrative was coupled with the plot/hook. The back story was interesting and I wanted to read more, particularly after reading Nitra's harrowing escape from the "wave" that took the life of her parents and her grandfather.
What aspect needs the most work?
The aspect that needs the most work is making the voices of Thane and Nitra more individual. The reader should be able to easily distinguish between the voice of a 16 year old girl and a young man. As it is, they sound too much alike...they use similiar expressions and if one took away the designation for each section ("Thane," "Nitra") I would not be able to tell them apart. You need to consider ways to give them each a unique voice -- expressions that only one uses, a different cadence to the way one talks as opposed to the other. Listen to two people of the opposite sex, or the same sex, conversing and analyze how you would be able to distinguish one from the other if your eyes were closed and the voices were mechanical.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Over all, I think it is a good, strong excerpt. I had to downgrade the prose/style aspect from a 5 to a 4 due to the issue I had with Nitra and Thane sounding so similiar. I wanted to read more of the book, so I gave the plot/hook a 5, and originality a 5. I wavered on the overall strength but in the long run decided to give it a 5, as I think the author has the ability to overcome the "unique voice" issue.
Comments
Post a Comment